June 25, 2010

The calm before the storm

Contentment is a wonderful emotion.

That being said, emotions themselves are definitely among the most evil things that roam the planet. Although a world devoid of these strange forces would seem abhorrent, absence of emotion would definitely bathe our restless minds in serenity and bliss. Emotions control us, and that's a fact, let's face it. They dictate nearly every action we perform, every word we speak, every thought that crawls through the corridors of our colossal minds...

They walk, they run, they slide up and down, left and right, and in every possible direction. They trace straight lines, twists, loops, zigzags; or simply an endless, shapeless, winding path...infinite and tempestuous. They exchange places with each other, and seem to enjoy the prospect of tormenting us with their vacillation; happy becomes sad, and sad becomes angry, and suddenly, in the blink of an eye, everything metamorphoses into one giant, unexplainable feeling that painfully clogs the regular thought processes that keep us functioning normally.

But right now? This is different. Somehow, contentment is beautiful. Strangely, though, I cannot comprehend why I'm feeling a sudden, inexplicable burst of happiness. I don't have anything to be happy about, it's way past midnight and my sleep-deprived self is trying to get some studying done, so that my grades turn out half-decent at the very least.

They started out as isolated bubbles of emotion suspended somewhere in my being, and slowly morphed into a breezy exuberance that, somehow, forced my brain to believe that everything around me was perfect, just as I wanted it to be, whereas the truth was quite the opposite. Somehow, even the prospect of countless tests, exams, submission deadlines and whatnot couldn't frighten the happiness out of me. I've stopped caring.  Today, I feel calm. Serene. At peace. Like I'm standing on the beach, watching in awe as the massive crests of water race up to the shoreline and break majestically on the sharp, jagged rocks. The endless chatter of fleeting thoughts that normally ensues in my head is gone; instead, the corridors are empty, and all I can see in them are the tall, imposing pillars of gleaming stone that hold them up.

How I wish that this wasn't just a transient phase. It's probably the fabled 'calm before the storm'.

June 16, 2010

Let the rain fall down.

It's raining torrents. I can hear the loud claps of thunder and see the sharp, bright flashes of lightning, both in perfect symphony with the rain pouring from the sky. I can hear the howling wind, and although it sounds eerie enough to send shivers down my spine, I feel strangely drawn to this madness. I can feel the tangled web of emotions running high in seemingly empty space; I do not know their origin, or their purpose, or whether they have anything to do with the weather at all. Why is Nature's fury always such a thing of beauty? It's deliciously inviting. I want to stand still in the street outside and allow the torrents of water pouring from the skies to wash over me. I want to be rid of all emotion, all thought, all feeling. I want to be empty, like a deserted ruin, where the only living creatures that might want to inhabit such a place are wild, helpless beings, and where no soul may spot me; that is, see me as the pitiful human that I am. I want to be able to roam the earth freely, without apprehension or fear, discovering at my own pace, taking my own time to learn.

I want to break free from the endless basket of nagging worries that is slowly consuming my being even as I write this.

I just want to be. Just exist. That is all.

June 08, 2010

I like this new template. It kinda fits. :D

Who knows, it might even put some life into my exhausted, worn-out self.

June 07, 2010

That time of the year.

Bleh, it's that time of the year again. New school year. And it'll be my last.

Decision making has never been so hard. And it has clearly killed my desire to write.